JESS SALOMON IS DOING RATHER WELL

I had a chance to check out the Saturday night showing of Jess' Fringe show 'Doing Good', and I was shocked!!!! She really does answer all those burning questions like where do lesbians with big hands fit into the scheme of things? And, why does a successful lawyer quit her job to become a comedian???

The answer is clear, Jess is a natural born entertainer, a gene she may have inherited from her grandmother. She walked on stage dressed to kill, like I've never seen her before. A mix of stand up and storytelling, Jess' sincerity and honest hilarity shine through. This is not the kind of show you go and see if you like to see people be awkward onstage, this is not the cringe fest. Her comedic skill can bring us from war crimes to cancer and still have us splitting our sides without feeling guilty.

With people like Jess on the job, whether it be law or comedy, we can rest assured that we're all doing good.

WE ASKED JESSICA SALOMON

NAME/ STAGE NAME

Jess Salomon.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS CALL YOU?

 Jess, mostly. My mom's from Peru. She'll call me Yessica, or Yess, Yessiquita.

WHAT DO YOU CALL YOURSELF?

Comedy goddess! People don't give me a lot of nicknames but I'm really good at giving nicknames. I like playing with names and situations. My friend Deanne is so much smaller than me. Our joke is that if we spooned it would be like wearing a backpack to bed, and so she became little backpack and I'm teaspoon.

HOMETOWN

Montreal, born and raised.

SIGN

Taurus. When I was in law school everyone's birthday was around mine. There's definitely something about the determination and stubbornness. Tauruses are argumentative. There's something to it.

DAY JOB

I am a war crimes lawyer,  turned comedian. Right now I'm a full time comic. I was working for the UN in Holland. I actually left my job and decided to do comedy full time because I wanted to give it a shot for real. I just knew it was something I wanted to do. I've been writing and writing scripts and doing stand up.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN THE GAME?

2 years. 

HOW AND WHERE DID YOU START OUT?

My really first time was when I was living in Holland. I wanted to check the club out because they had booked me on the following week, so I didn't even have things written yet. I get there and they tell me the next week is cancelled but they're like 'You can go on tonight if you want to.' I did even though I didn't have any jokes worked out.

I basically got up and talked a lot about being a foreigner, making jokes about the dutch like 'What's the deal with dutch guys and orange corduroys???' It wasn't great. I didn't actually stand in the spotlight, because it bothered me. I couldn't see anyone!

My first time here in Montreal was when I took Joey Elias' comedy class. Trevor Forestell was in my class. I was getting on stage once a week,  working out 4 to 5 minutes that we would then do in the graduation class. I was limited to certain topics cause that was the format of the class. An original idea from one of those bits is something I still find is central to who I am as a stand-up comedian.

WHAT MAKES YOU FUNNY?

I think that I'm a funny writer and I think the audience is always surprised by like the kind of things that I say relative to what I look like. There's comedy in that and then I hope the things that I say are funny.

WHAT IS THE BEST AND WORST THING ABOUT BEING A COMEDIAN?

I almost want to say they're like the same thing. It's the audience. You have this interesting relationship with the audience, like you're dependent on them in a way, but you don't want to write only with them in mind. When you get up there you want to sell what you're saying, you want to bring them on board with you. But sometimes  you get sucked in to just wanting to please them. There's ways that you know you can get laughs but they're not the laughs that you really want, its not the comedian who you want to be, but it feels really good.

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR HIGHEST ACHIEVEMENT SO FAR?

Making the transition from open mics  to the weekends. Getting paid, that's a step. I'm doing my show off of Fringe, so I have more freedom. 45 minutes is a long time to keep people engaged. The longest I've done is 20. It's a big leap. It's probably the difference between a 10 k and a marathon. I guess the thing that I'm most proud of is the shows that I've produced and played on my own.

The Comedy Bistro, I hosted, produced, picked  and booked the acts and timed it out. It was the first time I was responsible entirely for a show. It was really fun and for me it will be a chance for me to learn how to host and talk to the audience, and try not to be so scripted. I haven't had the chance to that in the clubs yet, I had to create my own space to do that. It went well so its going to be a monthly thing, the first Wednesday of every month!!!

WHAT IS YOUR COMEDY DREAM? 

It's great having a new goal like putting on a show for the Fringe Festival. I'd like to have a really solid hour of stand up. Just building that up, an hour in a comedy club as a headliner. I'd love to sell a TV show, be a writer. A dream of mine would be to write on The Daily Show, or something to do with political satire.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COMEDY SPOT AND WHY? 

The Comedy Works cause it's been around for awhile. I love hanging out at the bar downstairs after the show. Its such a good vibe in there.

IF YOU HAD TO BE STRANDED ON A DESERT ISLAND WITH ONLY ONE OTHER COMEDIAN WHO WOULD IT BE? 

That's a tough question because there's some that I find funny but I  don't want to be on a desert island with them. I just have a lot of favourites. I guess it would probably be Deanne Smith. WHY?  Because she's my little backpack! 

IF YOU COULD BRING ONE COMEDIAN BACK FROM THE DEAD WHO WOULD IT BE?

Richard Pryor or Mitch Hedburg, cause he was brilliant and he went too soon.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE JOKE?

this. Then he'll tell a joke that wont go well on purpose. He'll then turn around to the wall and start putting himself down like “Youre fat, you're so ugly, you're not even normal. Ugly fat fuck, you should just go kill yourself, you're like a 34 year old virgin...." Like really putting himself down, and then he just turns around to the audience and he's like,”Yeah, so I was fuckin' this girl...” I just die over that every single time.

DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR UP AND COMING COMEDIANS? 

Write and get on stage as much as you can. The stage is a really big key.  No one's going to start out by giving you paid work, but build your act up at the open mics. Eventually you have to figure out how the weekend works and what your act is when people are paying 15 or 20 bucks. They just expect a different level. You just have to be better. But the more you do it the more confident you get.

WHAT IS THE WORST THING A COMIC CAN DO? 

I can't imagine what you could say on stage unless you went off on a racist tirade. Or if you really go after an audience member in a horrible way that affects the business of the club, especially if you're new. It's very easy to not have you back.

WHAT IS YOUR COMEDIC PHILOSOPHY?

Always try to make something funnier until you've squeezed everything out, until you add things and it starts taking away. Keep trying to improve it, cut some words out, get to the punchline faster, or come at things from a different angle. Add jokes after your punchline,  switch up your voice, switch up your movement. Always see if there's something you can add to make your joke even better. Once you've done the most you can do, its done, move onto something new.  Start that process again.

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

Things that surprise. When I cant see the punchline coming.

WHAT IS NOT FUNNY?

I don't like stuff that is just for shock value, I don't appreciate the kind of comedy where there isn't a punchline. The punchline is 'fuck you', or 'that's gay' or something hateful and misogynistic without any art to it. I can get into a holocaust joke, I can get into a rape joke, I can get into whatever if its a really good joke and it's the kind of person who can tell that joke. Really dumb racist, sexist shit, if it's dumb, if it's been done, if it's hack, I don't want to hear it! If I see the audience dying laughing at it I start to hate the audience. We all have jokes like that and I get that you do need to try stuff, but I don't find it funny.

DO YOU THINK THERE'S TRUTH IN THE COMEDY? CAN YOU JUDGE A PERSON BY THE CONTENT OF THEIR MATERIAL? 

I think if there's truth in it its probably better comedy. The more you can be honest on stage,  the more original it is, the better your comedy becomes. But that's not easy to get to.  Put it this way,  if I don't like a person's style of comedy, I could never get with that. I don't think that guys are the same way. It just turns me off so much when I see them on stage. I can love another person and be friends with them even if I don't like their comedy, but I couldn't sleep with them. 

FAVOURITE COMEDY FILM?

This may not be my favourite movie of all time but it is in the vein of dark political satire, Dr Strangelove or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb.

IF YOU WERE IN A BAND WHAT KIND OF BAND WOULD IT BE?

I would love to be in a jam band. I used to really be into the Grateful Dead , Phish and the Alman brothers, my comedy would be like that.  Jamming with a looseness to it, maybe with a little bit of jazz.  Long and a bit messagey but not in a bad way. You know, something that appeals to people who are stoned. Someone said this to me once, I think it would be a good slogan for a poster or something:  “I feel stoned when I listen to your comedy.”

SO IT IS WRITTEN IN THE BOOK OF JESSICA SALOMON

Come and get high on the stylings of the hilarious Jessica Salomon, in her off fringe show DOING GOOD  at the MONTREAL IMPROV (3713 St. Larurent #202). Shows are on June 11, 12, 13, 15, 17, 18, 19. So you'll have plenty of opportunities to see her do her thang and the best part is that it's only $10! Score!!!

WE ASKED ROBBY HOFFMAN

Name/Stage name

Robby Hoffman

WHAT DO YOU CALL YOURSELF?

I’m a comic. This is the first time I’m travelling and I put down for occupation on my customs form, comic. That’s fun. You know, I’m like this straight edged accountant, it’s like“Robby you can’t be doing that they’re going to be questioning us,” and I’m like“I’m putting it down!”
(Air writes: C-o-m-i-c.) I like the title better.



WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS CALL YOU?

My Yiddish name.

DAY JOB

I work in finance actually.

SIGN

Sagittarius, obviously.

HOMETOWN

Montreal I call home, I’m from Brooklyn.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN THE GAME?

A year and five months now.

HOW DID YOU START OUT?

The first time was at the loft. I was only around for the last 2-3 months of the loft and I was there every single Friday.

WHAT MAKES YOU FUNNY?

Authenticity, Angst at a young age. I always felt like an 88 year old Jewish grandmother living in a 20 something year old body. I find myself walking around like, Kids these days! You know?

(HAVE TO AGREE….KIDS THESE DAYS)

WHAT IS THE BEST AND WORST THING ABOUT BEING A COMIC?  

It’s you, start to finish. You get to see something you’ve written actually develop and become a show, become some entertainment for other people.

I think it’s the best art. I’ve done other arts in my life, I’ve done fine arts and things like that; but I think that this is something that incorporates all of them. You write it, you produce it, you perform it. At the end of the day there’s no one on stage with you, there’s nothing else. It’s you and a mic, no music and people watching. Work it out!

The worst is a bad show in the middle of nowhere. Three people showing up to an open mic that nobody knew about, and you still have 3 hours to get home after.

What is your highest achievement to date?

I had my own feature in the gazette. I’ve also performed on the Just For Laughs stage.

IF YOU WERE STRANDED ON A DESERT ISLAND WITH ONLY ONE OTHER COMEDIAN, WHO WOULD IT BE?

Eman, cause were the same but we’re different. I think she’s hilarious on and off stage.

IF YOU COULD BRING BACK ONE COMEDIAN FROM THE DEAD (TO BONE) WHO WOULD IT BE?

Do I have to have sex with them? Chris Farley. He was so all over the place and he gave everything he had.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COMEDY SPOT AND WHY?

The Comedy Works, because it’s a comedy club. It feels like New York. The Rialto theatre also. There’s really something eclectic about that place. It’s gorgeous, it has this old charm; the ornamented ceiling, it’s really spectacular.

The loft was my favourite spot because it was comedy for doing comedy, it wasn’t for anything else. It was a place where local comics could hang out, conglomerate, shoot the shit and also perform. Anything goes; bomb, succeed,  anything.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE JOKE?

Seinfeld’s been posting his archives, 3 jokes a day and if you miss them that day you miss them. One of my favourite jokes this week; he talks about what a scam the weather report is. If the 5 day forecast was true wouldn’t they just announce it once every five days???? Why do I need 5 days to figure out what I’m going to wear today? You got shorts, you got a jacket, figure it out!!!!

WHAT IS A FUNNY WORD?

I like old school words, like hussy, my coworkers and I use that at work, ‘Oh, you wore your hussy pants.’ or ‘Heavens to Betsy!’ Is hilarious these days!



WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

My girlfriend, cause she’s cute, my coworkers and other peoples laughs.

WHAT IS NOT FUNNY?

Jew jokes when you’re not Jewish, black jokes when you’re not black. Nothing really offends me. I get over everything in 2 seconds.

COMEDIC PHILOSOPHY

Be funny and trust your gut. A lot of people are going to give you advice, and tell you what do, what not to do. If it’s funny it will work, you’ll know.

CAN YOU JUDGE BY THE LAUGHTER?

Not necessarily. You can’t always tell with the crowd. But if you really believe it’s funny, and you deliver it perfectly, authentically onstage. If the crowd feels that honesty, they’ll think it’s funny. You can judge by laughter sometimes. Depends on what kind of crowd it is.

DO YOU HAVE ADVICE FOR THE UP AND COMING?

I don’t have advice. You’re on your own, comedy is a windy road.

WHAT IS YOUR COMEDY DREAM?

Well, I’ve got 17 years to prepare for hosting the 100^th Oscars. Who better to host right? I mean they haven’t confirmed officially, but yeah, 17 years to work that out. I’ll do the 100^th , I don’t care. Don’t worry about it, I’ll do it, its ok.

Robby is performing her own show at the Fringe Festival. June 11^th to the 19^th at Petit Campus. For tickets call (514) 849-FEST.

In her own words: It’s going to be a hoot. Only 10 bucks, it’s a steal! And, you got this eye candy on stage!!!!

WE ASKED KRIS DULGAR

NAME
Kris Dulgar


WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS CALL YOU?

They call me Darren.


WHAT DO YOU CALL YOURSELF?

Other people call me Vulgar Dulgar or just KD.


SIGN

Aries.


HOWETOWN

I was born in Trinidad, Port of Spain. I came here when I was twelve or thirteen.


HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN THE GAME?

7 years I would say. Most comics will remember their first time, I remember the first time but I cant remember the date or the year.


HOW DID YOU START OUT?

I just always liked comedy. I'd stay up late to watch the musical acts or comics on Letterman or Leno. And I thought, I could do that! Back in high school, I was so naive. A short 7 minute set? You don't know what they have to go through before that. It's way harder than it looks.


WHERE WAS YOUR FIRST TIME?

My first time on stage was at the Comedy Works. There weren't as many independent rooms, as much as now anyways. It was George who started the whole independent comedy scene. The Comedy Works is my home club so that was my first time. Back then I was just a customer then one day I just went up and did it! You're supposed to do 5 minutes. I think I did like 3! Yeah I was so nervous until I got off stage. It's a hard thing.


WHAT MAKES YOU FUNNY?

I have a unique observational style. I tend to look at things from a different angle. I know how to analyze and I'll cut to the heart of the matter but in a different way. I speak for other comedians when I say you cant do someone else's style. I have a unique perspective as an immigrant too. I can do racial humour. I can talk about anything. I like going from sexual to political. I always say, you can do a really smart joke that has nothing to do with sex. Once you get to the sexual jokes the audience is going to trust you more.You gotta let them know you're smart, that you're not just above average.


WHAT'S THE BEST THING ABOUT BEING A COMEDIAN?

Being on stage with a full crowd or any crowd. Just being able to make people laugh. The worst thing? Put it this way, the best thing about being a comedian is the 15 minutes on stage and the worst thing is the 23 hours and 45 minutes that you ain't!


WHAT WAS YOUR BEST TIME ON STAGE?

One of the best times I had on stage was the Under Cover show. It was really nice. Before that room would have intimidated me but now, No. I just went up and ripped it.
My best time on stage? The Too Much shows man! The worst, probably doing comedy at Grumpy's when I was still green. Tough room. It makes you stronger. You have 10 to 15 seconds to be funny then the crowd just stops. Its a good training ground. Without Grumpy's or Too Much I never would have been able to handle Under Cover. Understand, when the crowd is noisy, you gotta yell! You gotta get their attention right away or else its done.


IF YOU WERE STRANDED ON A DESERT ISLAND AND COULD ONLY TAKE ONE COMIC WITH YOU, WHO WOULD IT BE?
Morgan O'Shea.


IF YOU COULD BRING BACK ONE COMEDIAN FROM THE DEAD WHO WOULD IT BE?

Pryor, for sure. I would love to pick his brain and talk to the dude. Man he was funny. He was the precursor to every comedian you see now. Carlin, Lenny.


WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COMEDY SPOT?

House of Reggae. I really like that room, it has potential. It will become a regular mainstay.


DO YOU HAVE A FAVOURITE JOKE?

Probably the Chapelle joke on juice, purple drank. Morgan has a great one on Oprah. She went to a Mormon compound and, and they didn't have any DVD's. 'You've never seen toy story?,' 'No,' 'You've never seen Shrek?,' 'No,' 'You've never seen Shrek 2 ?!!?!?' She actually asked this! Like, of course we haven't bitch! We only get sequels in the compound!!!!


WHAT IS YOUR COMEDY DREAM?

To make a living doing comedy. Quit my day job, travel, be funny, and make people laugh. That's freedom right there. I'm still in the trenches with these guys until one of us makes it, then were riding the coat tails! I have no doubt that we're gonna make it...Im'a make it....Somebody's gonna make it!


WHAT IS A FUNNY WORD?

I'm a big fan of the wire and I laugh every time I hear the expression “He got got.” He needs to get “got” is like he needs to get killed. Using it in the present tense AND the past tense, that's funny! Yo, he got got! Man, we use that all the time.


WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?

Hangin out with the crew here. A bunch of comedians roll by and just the conversations. We're busting out jokes, tag, tag, tag, tag. There are people in the crew who aren't comics and we just laugh all the time.

WHAT IS NOT FUNNY?

Hackey jokes or what is expected, I guess. You know you have some comics who are like 'white people do this, black people do that,' or you know 'men do this, women do that.' I have a couple of those but I try to make it smart. If it has no substance to it and it doesn't have a twist, I don't like that. Try to make it interesting, try to make it different, dig deeper!!!! Also jokes about rape. I know there are funny rape jokes but if you don't do it well you'll lose the audience and your whole set is done.


WHAT IS YOUR ACHIEVEMENT TO DATE?

I guess getting my first just for laughs audition. Every comic has to audition and you don't ask them, they ask you, you know. Just to have been asked was a privilege, someone recognized. Another major achievement is the first time I did 45 minutes. I hit the thirty minute plateau at Too Much. And recently I did 30 minutes in French!


WHAT IS THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO AS A COMEDIAN?

Be complacent. If you reach a certain level, always strive to get to the next level. Don't be satisfied. If you have a great set you have that ego and its like shit, I'm on my way. Never ever get comfortable. Make yourself uncomfortable. As comedians that's our job.
I did my first ever show in the village at Le Drugstore and I think it was my first all gay audience. But I got up on stage and I grabbed the mic, I felt immediately comfortable. What? Just cause they're gay they don't know how to laugh? Of course not! So I tore it apart! But you gotta make yourself uncomfortable like that. Put yourself out there. Shit does happen sometimes but you gotta go through shit like that.


DO YOU EVER GET UP ON STAGE AND JUST KNOW THAT ITS WRONG?

Yeah, its so right. Sure, but as a comedian you still have to do your set. Try your best to get their attention and if its not going well, you're only as good as your last set, right? If that set goes horribly think to the next one.


HOW DO YOU COME UP WITH NEW MATERIAL?

Personal experience, everyday life and whats happening in the world. Once you find your own point of view, you can figure out how to work it into a joke with your own comedic style. Also I'm allowed to have an opinion on something I've never experienced before, that's the beauty of comedy. Everyone should have an opinion. That's how it is. As long as you have an opinion you can make a funny joke. Or not. Give up, quit the game.

HAZARDS OF THE JOB?

That internal struggle with yourself. Comedy is an exploration of the self, so you're going to learn a lot of things about yourself that you're not ready for personally. Also, everything you do will be for comedy so you're going to have to sacrifice. New comedians you might have to cross that bridge where you're going to have to sacrifice a relationship or two.


DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR UP AND COMERS?

Advice to new comedians? Quit, quit now! Ya'll ain't shit. You don't know! You're in for years and years of pain, depression, guilt, suicidal tendencies. If you tell me you're happy doing comedy, you ain't a comedian!
Write, and get on any stage as much as you can. You need to build up that confidence. You cant give up. You're always going to doubt yourself for a long time but you just write and keep going up on stage, don't give up. If you don't write anything funny, you just write.  And the funny will come.


DO YOU HAVE A COMEDIC PHILOSOPHY?

Never be afraid to put yourself out there. Don't be afraid. It's nerve racking. You have to worry about going on stage, looking at those people, it takes a while for your voice to shine through. My comedic philosophy is work hard, and if you ever tell yourself that you're working hard, you ain't working hard enough!